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THE PARENTAL AWARENESS
When a person becomes a parent, the first thing that comes to mind is for his or her offspring(s) to do very well in life. In such conviction, many parents tend to overlook two very vital setbacks in a child’s life. (a) Hereditary and (b) Comparison. For those of us whose education could not go high - due to unavoidable circumstances, - our offsprings become to us the perfect gap filler.
1. The child must fulfill every wish that we could not fulfill in life - High marks, acquisition of respect, university education enviable job and success story not compare to any one of his/her age group.
2. For those of us with higher educational qualifications, the offsprings target must march ours and beyond otherwise the child will be seen as a failure in life in our eyes
3. What many parents forget is the fact that the children we bring all have at least some of our own characteristics because they come from our blood. Despite the fact the child may have better facilities in furthering his or her education of progressive programs, hereditary aspect is taken from us will be hard to shake off and offsprings take more of the loose ends of our nature than the brighter side of it. If we were dull and our kids take that part, then we are in trouble and if we are bright and the kids take that aspect then we are into something good. But that is not ALWAYS the same. Every human has his/her own progressive characteristics of the very good sides as well as the bad sides.
4. The parent and I mean every parent would wish with all his/her heart that the offsprings take the bright side only. This can be done when the newly married parents become aware of these two vital setbacks before embarking on producing children. Having observed the kids from infancy or noticed the child’s progress in an adolescent stage you must observe certain habits of the child that you yourself did at the kid's age and mark them down. Compile them and diplomatically talk the child out of it. Screaming with insult will rather make matters worse.
5. When the child fails to do well in school when the child occasionally behaves badly when the child occasionally tells lies, none of which you did at his/her age, never compare yourself to the child “My marks at school were good, I never failed my exams, I never tell lies, you are hopeless why can’t you be just like me” and so on kinds of outbursts are the most damaging interference of the child’s progress, indeed. The further outburst will draw the child further into emptiness.
6. In not recognising those initial drawbacks, a sort of psychological pressure is put on the child from the very beginning of his/her adolescent life. And every human being under pressure needs to find a way out. And in this our modern times “way outs are many”. The commonest is the drugs taking. After taking this the child’s mind will relax, away from deep thinking of filling gaps of parental failures or the Respected parent's aspiration. Another form of relaxation is open rebellion. The mind has already anticipated the outcome of any mishaps on his/her part - outrageous remarks, screaming or tacit rejection - and so has prepared for it.
The next step is to leave home. The frustrated parent will blame the child but it is definitely not the child’s fault but the parents. Some of our kids have already reached that crossroad but can be brought back to sane existence if the bold parent will begin putting the following into practice. Converse with the child on things of his/her mind and politely talk him/her out of it. Show him/her religious films, books and examples of kids who have gone down that road and gutted in decaying oblivion. Take the child to the walk sides from time to time to see for him/herself the harm of unprotected and unguided life (the sidewalks being drug addicts, rehabilitation centers, hungry children of troubled parents, pregnant teenagers, etc which due to modern technology have all been captured on videos.
Remarks on a teenager's appearance (dress wise is very essential in guiding a child to a prosperous life. Nasty remarks on a teenager's dressing - when you yourself bought the dress for the child - is not only funny but an outright act of ignorance. If everything a child does displeases you so much then stop commenting on her behavior and let someone else do the commenting. Because there is nothing like a 100% bad child from the beginning. That can be attained when nothing is done about the 56% bad habits eating into the remaining 40% or so percent. “Oh, this dress is very smashing, oh how I wish you have worn it in this way” (remembering your own careless ways of yesterday). If a child receives a mixture of both (praise and condemnation) from time to time the child will learn how to take and obey both). Children, every parent must know, copy very fast. If you don’t want a child to drink (alcohol) don’t drink in his/her presence. Never kiss each other (passionately) in the child’s presence and don’t hurriedly dispatch a teenage offspring to bed. He/she would be speculating on the reason for the rush and any moment he/she comes in contact with what parents do at night, he/she would wish to try it. Know that the moment that you become parents of teenage kids (13-20) your own sex lives reduces to that of ”normality”. Passionate rush ceases unless the kids are not at home.
Every behavior must have no speculative question. When you argue, shout, and slander each other in a child’s presence know that that “hot blood” in you causing the outbursts, has its own carbon copy right beside you. If you don’t like your offspring to be rowdy or rude, don’t be so in his /her presence. Do everything possible to release any “unseen” pressure off your child. If he/she fails in exams, assure him/her of better results next time. Promise him/her of bringing in an extra teacher to help him/her. If necessary take him/her out and give him/her a treat and assure him/her that greater things will happen should they pass their subsequent exams and make the grade. Tell the child, he/she is stronger than Satan because God said so (if possible with a bible quote Gen. 1:27 ). As I have written above, additionally, on that day of the poor results, be extra nice to the kids. Buy him/her presents with “you, see, this is a gift for you for taking part in the exam”. I know you will do well next time if both of us work hard. Keep your promise to your child. Never say one thing and do another to a child - if you do, he/she will surely copy you. Never discuss other grown-ups in a teenager’s presence. If you do, the child will take sides by showing disrespectfulness to the person if he/she knows the person.
For everything you detest that a child would love to do, please just politely talk the child out of it with vivid examples. Children from 13 years onwards are in the stage of fantasy. Everything to them must be experimental. Frightening the child or threatening the child will confuse the child. Children so confused will seek assurance, comfort, and solution from another channel. And that could be the beginning of the end of the child's constructive progress. Children committed to advancement and moral uprightness need a strong but comforting hand from the beginning, from their parents. If God permits we shall talk about this subject again.
Daniel